“I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.” -Jack London
How to fulfill this destiny of the soul? How, oh how can anyone ever be true to this one thought? Is it too idealistic, or is it the truth? The movie Into The Wild has me thinking about this very question. Although the main character…hmmm, let me stop here, l I don’t want to spoil things for you. Best I should encourage you to see the film, and maybe then I could chat privately with those of you who read my blog and feel inspired from the film.
Either way, the movie has me thinking- is it better to face the world as an idealist and learn lessons along the way, or is it safer to be one who shuts off the flushes of idealism and deals with the consequences of the modern world? Work every day, sleep and slave every day…so we can survive? Make money to pay the bills? Keep the roof up over our heads? Is that happiness?
There is one part of the movie that really made an excellent point. It wasn’t the entire focus of the film, but that which is pertinent to the bigger picture. Happiness is not real unless it is shared. The loneliness that the main character experiences in the Alaskan wilderness is powerful enough for this man to come to terms with what he was really missing out on- human contact and relationships. He spends so much of his time trying to get to Alaska, that in the end his greatest experiences were the moments in which he met people and affected their lives. Chris McCandless ( Or Alexander Supertramp- the name he gives himself after rebirth on the road), chose to focus so much on his final destination, ( a trip into isolation and true wilderness), that it was the getting there, or the journey that really mattered in the end. If happiness is sharing yourself with others, then is it others that also bring you down? Is it possible to find yourself all alone?
The one thing that all human beings can understand without discussing the film (or having this be a blog about the film) is that we are capable of becoming very wrapped up in our ideals and dreams. It certainly is idealism, adventure, and even rebellion that gets the earth shaking and moving, but it is not what really not what holds all the pieces together. In the end love is the glue that makes change stick. Sometimes that love means forgiveness, or the embracing of spirituality. Whether it is with our families, loved ones or friends, we are social creatures, and we need people and our relationships to help guide us through the storm of life. Cheesy and cliche I know, but this is my very point. perhaps us twentysomethings should take a breather and stop worrying so much about finding ourselves by going on some exotic major adventure. Maybe we need to be more practical and try to find ourselves in our everyday lives?
I am no sage or guru, but what I am starting to sense is that one needs to strike a balance between taking risks, making adventures, and being stable enough to still experience the love of home, family, and everyday life. That is what keeps me sane at least. Too much time away from my daily life and I feel detached, but too much time stagnant and stable makes me bored, listless, and angry. I get a feelings that you don’t need this extreme to make the questioning stop. I think it’s about personal development.
Still I sit here and wonder. I have love and practice it, but what else is missing? What is this restlessness that I constantly feel? really how can I wrestle this beast, where does it come from? Is it worth it to sometimes blow caution to the wind, and go searching for what might fill us up? Is it OK to feel constantly constrained by my 9-5 job, and wonder what else it is that I could be doing? Will I ever find the gold at the end of the rainbow, or is it better to look around and see where my fortune lies? As is the case with the main character from Into The Wild, I too feel as though I want to lose all my possessions and responsibilities clinging to my back. I too want to leave society behind and go off into the wild and find my true nature. To experience an existence that is not driven by greed, lies, and the norms that fuel the deceit. I want to feel the earth in it’s purest form, and for once feel as though I following my own innate compass, and not be molding myself to the nature that is thrown before me. I want freedom, I want to see what my organic path is, and I just can’t let go of this desire. Something needs to break. How can I appreciate what I have and still make it work for me. When does life get really challenging and exiting? Will I ever get that solo experience? Or is that even necessary? maybe I don’t want to raft down the Colorado River just to find myself. Perhaps it’s something more simple like taking a trip to Europe alone, or driving cross country to another American city? Oh wait, I have already done that….what then?
In the end though a total escape out west or into the wilderness would lead to me being alone, and starving in more ways than one. I don’t think that I could leave behind everyone and everything that I care about. Even if there is angst, resentment, and frustration in my life.. .who doesn’t have that? I think with age you begin to realize, that it’s the scars that make love all the more sweet. The pains of growing , learning, working within society make it’s rather boring seeming, but more conservative angles feel comforting. AA warming foundation coupled with security becomes mandatory for one’s well being. It is how we as humans continue to thrive.
I am not saying that tomorrow I will go back to work and gleefully smile at my windowless space and be glad that I am immobile for 8 hours a day. I am not saying that I will not think about doing something with my life, my career, and my daily living that seems to really make sense to me. Why is thsi so hard to figure out? Are those of us in our twenties destined to feel like shit because they have to constantly choose between survival and dreams?
Answers, I do not have, but time, hopefully, that is on my side. I am not trying to defend myself or anyone else who hasn’t taken the chance on a gypsy life, rather I am trying to put my uneasiness into perspective. Maybe it’s about time I started looking for these answers within, and something will surface. I am not doubtful, in fact after writing this I am pretty confident that i’s already happening.
